The Immortals

Well, Dregg fans, it’s time for something we’ve all been waiting for. I’m still working up the nerve to finish my review of the New 52, but in the meantime I have some great news. I’m reviewing a film that has nothing to do with comics or Capes. Hallelujah, right? As always, SPOILERS IMMINENT.

The Immortals is about the gripping, gory tale of Theseus, a very famous hero from Greek myth. Young Theseus has been chosen by Zeus himself to stop the “evil” King Hyperion from getting the Epirus Bow and releasing the Titans from Mount Tartarus. Theseus has a band of merry men that include a virgin Oracle, a monk with no tongue, and a thief that aid him on his quest to find the Epirus Bow before Hyperion and lead his people to stop the King from burning and pillaging all of Greece to the ground—with or without the help of the Gods. The film takes place in 1228 BC, Greece. Directed by Tarsem Singh and written by Charley Parlapanides and Vlas Parlapanidesstarring this film is…interesting.

Tarsem Singh (also director of The Cell and The Fall) apparently likes making movies that mean something. It’s apparent with all the use of metaphorical imagery and dramatic lighting and over-explained “deeper themes”. Singh’s films seem to also have another large flaw: they take themselves way too seriously. Because graphic violence and “emotional” yelling over the body of a dead loved one makes everything more edgy, right? This film is a one-dimensional, brainless action flick that follows basic Hollywood formulas for action movies that’s pretending it’s a deep and meaningful film about what immortality actually means—doing wonderful deeds that remain in the hearts and minds of your descendants. Oh, and having kids. The writing in this film is bland and one-dimensional for the most part. There are some moments (like the scene where Theseus gives the soldiers a stirring speech to pump them for the coming battle) that are wonderful, and others (like the blatantly obvious sex scene between the “virgin” Oracle and Theseus) are so cliché and cheesy it’s literally funny. The writing of the entire film comes off as melodramatic most of the time and forced the rest of the time, if not corny. The pacing was fine, the action was good (sometimes great) and the music actually added a lot of atmosphere to the story. It was unfortunate that the music actually distracted so much from so many scenes because it was overbearing. If there’s one thing this film has going for it, it’s the beautiful costume work. The film has stunning, detailed costumes on every character. I was particularly stunned by the outfits worn by the “Gods” (Ares, Athena, Poseidon, Helios, Heracles and Zeus). Each of them had an elaborate gold helmet that matched their personality. Poseidon’s wiry fish-shaped helmet and trident as well as Ares’ giant spiked Mohawk helmet were visually interesting without being overbearing. Personally, I thought the blood and gore was taken a little too far, even for an action film. It gets on my nerves in movies where the character kills someone and there’s not a drop of blood on the sword, but when it sprays everywhere all the time, it’s too much. And it looks like the more violent parts (specifically decapitations) look like poor CG. The blood looks like it was animated ten years ago at least and looks too fake. The film is visually appealing, I can give it that. It looks great. Almost good enough to spend the extra money to see in 3-D.

The main conflict in this film is that King Hyperion has been burning and pillaging the entire country in order to find the Epirus Bow—an exceptionally powerful artifact believed to be part of a myth—to use to free the Titans and unleash their great terror. This film devotes a lot of its time to depicting Hyperion as an unlikeable, unmovable, unsympathetic villain whose only it for the sake of being a dick. They mention a lost wife and son, but only briefly and not enough to make the viewer care. They also try to make Theseus’ mother into more than cannon fodder to move her son’s plot along, but it doesn’t have any effect. Even the romance subplot between Theseus and the Oracle Phaedra is too brief. They share a couple glances, she supposedly saves his life and then they have a short, awkward sex scene. And in the end it says she had his son. There was a subplot going on about the Gods interfering with humanity that ultimately went nowhere. Zeus trained Theseus to be a warrior disguised as an old man, Poseidon intervened with a tidal wave to knock the enemy soldiers out of their boat for our merry men to escape, and Athena and Ares stepped in to try to help long enough for Zeus to come down and “kill” Ares. The film suffers from being sadly one-dimensional. It had so many angles to play off of—Theseus’ growth from a skeptic to believing in the Gods, the Gods interfering themselves, the mentor/student relationship between the old man and Theseus, etc.—but it was spending so much time trying to be deep and complex it forgot it was trying to tell a story about two dudes trying to get to an awesome Bow first and slashing as many throats while looking badass as possible in the process. Don’t get me wrong, this film has excellent action sequences, using modern action movie tropes (slow motion being the big one) and stellar choreography. I was particularly impressed by how kick-ass Poseidon looked butchering piles of Titan mooks with his trident in the film’s climax. Overall, this film has a good, simple plot—it’s just buried under a hefty pile of subplots and action movie filler BS.

Henry Cavill as Theseus was not a terrible choice on the production team’s part. First of all, Cavill looks great. He’s built the right way and doesn’t look too muscular or too toned to run around swinging spears or swords while wearing sweat and dirt for a shirt. And he isn’t a terrible actor, either. The character was written as a no account, solemn, broody, lone-wolf type and that’s exactly what we got. Cavill never smiles throughout the entire film. Not even at parts where it would be okay if he smiled. We have an action hero cocktail with this Theseus: he’s the reluctant hero, he’s the champion of the underdog, he’s the warrior no one believes can use a sword, he’s mourning his mother, he comes to the defense of a Lady’s honor more than once and he’s genuinely a decent hero. He’s just very bland and boring. Mickey Rourke as Hyperion isn’t much better, mind you. He’s just a generic bad guy who’s bent on doing bad things for the sake of doing bad things. It’s silly, it’s stupid, it doesn’t make any sense and doesn’t fill in any plot holes and certainly doesn’t make the viewer care. The casting in this film isn’t awful. Neither is the characterization. It’s just so bland and boring and forgettable that it’s almost painful.

There are several major drawbacks to this film. First and foremost: it can’t decide what it wants to be. Was it supposed to be stupid action movie? Was it supposed to be a meaningful look at immortality? It doesn’t know—and neither does the viewer. It’s also trying to do too much at once. It has too many subplots, too much to look at, too much going on to be clearly focused on the simple plot it established early on. Tarsem Singh, here’s an idea: if you want to make a brainless action movie, do it. If you want to make a meaningful expose, do it. Just don’t try to do them both at the same time. Another drawback is it’s blandness. Hyperion’s lack of any emotion or character is the first thing that caught my attention. He always has the same dorky serious face on throughout the entire film and after a while it’s honestly funny. There just isn’t any character development for either of the main characters to make the viewer care about what happens to them. When Theseus is in mortal danger for the tenth time, we still don’t care. When Theseus gets his revenge on Hyperion for killing his mother, we still don’t care. We hardly even notice. The love interest, Phaedra (played by the beautiful Freida Pinto) is even more boring and bland than the two main characters. She and every other character (except for the thief) are completely forgettable and without a single distinguishing trait between them. She and her visions add absolutely nothing to the overall story and progression of the plot other than serving as an attractive love interest for the hero to have awkward sex with. Without their ridiculously fabulous helmets, the male Gods all look similar enough to be indistinguishable. Athena (Isabel lucas) was portrayed as a whiny, incapable Daddy’s girl. Even Zeus was forgettable. In fact, I’d be willing to say that the only character that wasn’t a bland, boring, forgettable mess was the thief that travelled with Theseus. His name (which is Stavros) isn’t actually mentioned. Stephen Dorff’s acting in this role is superb. He’s the only character in the entire film that had a personality. He was a cocky, smooth-talking thief who could sell ice cubes to Eskimos. He didn’t get lost in the drab glimmer of the rest of the film and found a way to shine. That was an amazingly impressive feat.

In conclusion, The Immortals is not a terrible film. In fact, I enjoyed it a lot more than I believed I would. It was visually stunning, except for the over-used graphic violence and relatively bad CG. The writing and characterization was so bland and forgettable that it felt lazy. The romance subplot (and all the other subplots) ultimately lead nowhere and have no pay off. The film may look amazing, with its kick-ass action sequences and detailed costumes, but it’s not enough to save it from its inevitable anticlimactic ending. It did have the battle that Theseus is most famous for, defeating the Minotaur in the Labyrinth, but it flopped, feeling more like a minor boss fight in a video game. The film acts like its confused because it’s trying to be a deep and meaningful expose on immortality and the deeds of men while being a brainless, sword slinging action film. Henry Cavill should be spending his time doing research on Superman for his upcoming role in Man of Steel, not being the most forgettable and unlikable hero in Greek history. Tarsem Singh, please, don’t throw $75 million away on another film this beautiful to look at, but so unbearably boring. 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Captain America: The First Avenger

Captain America: The First Avenger is a retelling of Captain Steven “Steve” Rogers starting out as a skinny kid from Brooklyn who gets turned down for military service during World War II due to his frailty and getting involved in the super soldier program that turned him into Captain America. This film takes place mostly in the 1940’s in Europe as Steve performs one selfless and brave feat after another before he goes missing, only to be found in suspended animation in the Alps in 2011. This is the first of a three film series directed by Joe Johnston and written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFreely.

This film has a screenplay to be proud of. The story flows in an easy to understand, continuous fashion, leaving almost no plot holes in its wake. The romantic subplot (as a prerequisite for every superhero film) is well set up and—while a little cliché and corny—surprisingly not forced. The winks and nods to the comic book fans and the leading up of the Avengers film to be in theaters next May are well placed even if they aren’t exactly subtle. The appearance of Howard Stark—Tony Stark’s (Iron Man) grandfather—and Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D are among the Easter eggs is this enjoyable gem. The film has well choreographed action sequences and fighting scenes, remembering to nod towards Cap’s love of his shield and also his love of throwing it at enemies. The CGI effects are top-notch, the viewer hardly being able to tell that Chris Evans (Steve Rogers) was not the scrawny, bony kid from the beginning of the film or that the Red Skull’s magnanimous jet is not real. Even the Red Skull’s skinless bald face is very well pulled off. The costumes look great, except for Cap’s awkward looking mask/helmet duo. Hayley Atwell (Agent Peggy Carter, Steve’s love interest) has several beautiful period dresses and pin-up curls to go with her perfect red lipstick, reflecting on the time. The military uniforms look as real as they come, down to HYDRA’s patches on their uniforms. The musical score adds the necessary tension and emotion to scenes that would be a lot less without. While the film has some of its continuity wrong according to its comic book counterpart, it should not be judged based on that.

The conflict of the film arises when Steve finds out his best friend, James “Bucky” Barnes is being held captive thirty miles behind enemy lines. Until this point, Steve has been used as a propaganda tool for the American government much like Uncle Sam and Rosie the Riveter, even touring with his horde of red, white and blue clad dancing girls on the front lines of Europe. Steve convinces Agent Carter to help him “Be more than a lab rat or a dancing monkey” and save his friend. While at the HYDRA base, he frees the Allied prisoners and finds his friend alive. He also meets his enemy Johann Schmidt, otherwise known as the Red Skull and the head of HYDRA. Throughout the film Schmidt has been portrayed as fanatical bordering psychotic, harnessing the Cosmic Cube of Norse myth to create heavy weapons. He is also vastly intelligent which makes him fell even more dangerous. This fanatical and determined antagonist to the wholesome and selfless hero is a great balance and makes for an interesting dynamic. If the Red Skull were any less cruel, any less intelligent or any less fixed on the result he desires, the entire performance would have flopped.

Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is exactly what people think of when they think of a hero and more. He’s brave, selfless, humble, endearing, and determined, not to mention being kind to his comrades and sweet to Agent Carter. Early in the film while they were choosing the candidate to go through the procedure, the grumpy Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) throws a dummy grenade at the troops, telling them to take cover. Steve, not missing a beat, throws himself on top of it. Later in the film when Steve was off the grid rescuing the prisoners and the Army presumes him dead, there he is, leading four hundred freed prisoners into the base with captured weapons and vehicles. The first thing he says is, “Some of these men need medical attention.” The second is, “I surrender myself to disciplinary action, sir.” And at the climax of the film, Steve is forced to sacrifice himself by taking down the plane carrying Red Skull’s bombs—or so he thinks. Steve Rogers is not a good hero. He is a good man who got the chance to be a hero. Whether this interpretation of Steve Rogers is the work of the brilliant writing talents brought on for the film or Chris Evans’ flawless performance, the end result is a character and role model anyone can aspire to.

The rest of the cast is not to be underestimated, however. Hayley Atwell (Agent Peggy Carter) is no shrinking violet, but is also not too rough that she loses her grace and femininity. She can shoot pistols and machine guns and come up with not a hair out of place. She can walk coolly into a bar and not fear or worry about the soldiers gawking at her. She’s a strong love interest, unlike many others in superhero movies. The only other strong, well-built up love interest that comes to mind is Pepper Potts from Iron Man. Tommy Lee Jones does a great job at portraying the doubtful then supportive Colonel Chester Phillips. Sebastian Stan’s performance as Bucky Barnes actually makes us care about what happens to him and actually evokes some emotion when he is killed at the climax of the film. Hugo Weaving’s performance as the maniacal Red Skull is quite convincing. Even Howard Stark’s playboy attitude is reminiscent of Robert Downey Jr.’s performance of Tony Stark.

There are actually very few drawbacks in this film. The pacing is good, the conflict builds itself up alongside the hero’s story, the romance isn’t as “in your face” or as forced as in other films. The biggest drawback that this film has it that it can be bland, and that may be the only one it can’t come back from. The other characters that show up that aren’t Steve, Peggy, Johann Schmidt or Bucky don’t have any personality. None of Steve’s band of merry soldiers has any distinguishable traits other than their race. The German doctor who created the super soldier serum is boring as is Johann Schmidt’s doctor lackey. It is a shame that no one besides the forefront characters have any interesting traits. It’s also a shame that even our stars have boring and bland moments that last longer than just a few moments. Yes, the romance between Steve and Peggy is corny and clichéd, mostly based on a few flirty looks and a couple short conversations. So what if the actual end fight between Steve and Red Skull is a little underwhelming. The overall film is good.

Captain America: The First Avenger is a true superhero film. It has a strong, heroic protagonist fighting an intelligent, capable antagonist who is bordering on insane. It has one set of ideals fighting another. It’s well written, even if a little bland at moments. It has a strong cast and good effects. It has a good romantic subplot, emphasizing the sub. The film looks good, sounds good, and is a mesh of everything that makes films good. That being said, this film is just that: good. Not great or fantastic. It is worth seeing in theaters and worth buying on DVD to watch again. If anyone wants to know what a hero is, look no further than Captain America. 4.5 out of 5 stars.

X-Men: First Class

X-Men: First Class is a reboot of the X-Men film franchise, completely separate from the other four films. The overall story is about the formation of the X-Men and how Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr became their more common alter egos Professor X and Magneto. The film takes place in the 1960’s in various locations all over the globe from Germany to the US to Russia and Argentina. It discusses the politics of the Cold War and the Cuban Missile Crisis and doesn’t fail to capture the X-Men’s famous allegory of racism and homophobia.

The film is wonderfully written for the most part, never forgetting to flesh out their complex conflict and their strongest characters. And their conflict is certainly complex. The politics of the early 1960’s revolving around the US/Soviet Cold War is presented in a way that is engaging and easy to comprehend for viewers who may not understand it. The motivations of the antagonist (Sebastian Shaw/Schmidt) are as clearly presented as the motivations for the protagonists (Xavier and Lensherr). The plot moves slowly at the beginning but picks up when the stakes escalate towards the middle of the film leading up to a fantastic and exciting climax and ending.

The film does an excellent job of presenting the ideas of racism and homophobia as an equal to mutation with the young adults being mutants themselves—particularly in the characters of Hank McCoy, Mystique and Angel Salvadore. Each of them feels ostracized by their respective mutations. Hank about his prehensile feet then his shaggy blue hair (at which point he becomes “Beast”), Mystique about her natural form which features blue skin with “reptilian” markings and yellow eyes, and Angel having insect-like wings and saliva with corrosive acidic properties. Angel—a stripper when Charles and Erik find her—even remarks something like “I would rather they look at me without my clothes than the way they do [when they know I’m a mutant]”. Erik Lensherr was experimented on in the Nazi concentration camps for his mutation—the ability to control metal telekinetically. The parallels to racism, while possibly severe, remain the same. Experimentation on humans from other races and other preferences (be they religious or sexual) has happened, of course. The film illustrates the point by showing the character’s being ostracized by the normal humans in the CIA and by the suspicious military. Even Charles Xavier is turned off by his adopted sister’s normal blue form and Hank McCoy tells her she’s beautiful as her human form, not as her natural self.

First Class is wonderfully presented with strong costume choices, complete sets, relevant language (particularly Xavier’s entertaining use of the word “Groovy” while hitting on women) and witty humor. The action scenes are not over-the-top and feel dangerous, not simply stunts on Hollywood. The blue and yellow uniforms are the most interesting of the costume pieces. They are the only costume pieces, besides Emma Frost’s wardrobe, that seem silly. But somehow they feel nostalgic and appropriate for the time period and the team at hand. The CGI effects look as natural as they can be and flow with the rest of the scene. The cameos of Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and Storm as well as the speculated ones of Jean Grey and Scott Summers during the film were refreshing for the fans of the other films and the comic books but did not distract from the overall scene or the plot.

The major drawback of this film is its cast. And that is a substantial drawback. While James McAvoy (Xavier) and Michael Fassbender (Lensherr) both did phenomenal jobs in their respective roles, a majority of the remaining cast gave very weak and forgettable performances. The scenes between Xavier and Lensherr feel as genuine and emotional as their famed comic book friendship requires. Kevin Bacon (Sebastian Shaw) was possibly the next strongest actor, his character’s motivations clear and his menacing agenda posing a genuine threat to the heroes’ agenda and their lives. Nicholas Hoult (Hank McCoy) was probably the only other actor capable of recognition in the “good performance” category. Hank’s chemistry with Mystique (while one-sided performance wise) was interesting and brought another dimension to the character. His enthusiasm and passion for knowledge as well as his confidence in his work was evident with his charming smile and eloquent speech.

The rest of the cast was, unfortunately, forgettable. January Jones (Emma Frost) came off as bland and distracted. Jennifer Lawrence (Mystique) seemed without enough emotion to effectively pull off the dialogue and characterization she had from the script. To put it bluntly, the lines were there but the actress was not. Lucas Till (Havoc), Zoe Kravitz (Angel Salvadore), Caleb Landry Jones (Banshee), Edi Gathegi (Darwin), Jason Flemyng (Azazel), Alex Gonzalez (Riptide), and Rose Byrne (Moira MacTaggert) were not poorly written, but not well characterized with their performances either. They were not all bad actors, just not given enough screen time or characterization to make the viewer care about their characters or their boring performances. They do not seem to have the chemistry as a team with each other on either side of the fence. The closest the viewer gets to see some genuine fun and chemistry was the scene with the kids dancing before Charles and Erik stop the music and even that seemed bland. However, given the length of the film and the massive amount of plot to cover, the weak cast can be forgiven. It is a shame that so many actors were pulled on to this project only to have their performances mean so little to the overall story.

To sum it all up, X-Men: First Class is an interesting, engaging film that is well-written and beautifully presented, even if the majority of the cast is a bit bland. McAvoy and Fassbender can proudly add this one to their resumes. This film is certainly one Marvel can be proud of. It is worth the time and money to see it on the big screen for sure, and worth adding to the home collection when it comes out on DVD to watch again. 4 out of 5 stars.